Becoming
by Fearful Symmetry
Summary: "She doesn't smell like a human should anymore. But she looks as human as can be, huddling in a corner of the same room where she found me the last time we spoke."    Logan haunts the mansion looking for answers before tragedy unfolds.  Last chapter up.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter I**

"If I ask you a question, do you promise not to lie?"

She eyes me with a smirk. Well, what passes for a smirk when it comes to Jeannie, anyway.

"No. If I answer, do you promise to believe me?"

"No."

"Good night, Logan."

She turns to leave and I stay behind. I listen to the sound of her steps as she climbs the stairs and goes into her bedroom. I'll keep listening until her breath slows down and she falls asleep. Then I'll go to my room, lie in my bed and close my eyes. But I will hear her when she wakes up.

Since I've somehow been roped into giving her my word that I wouldn't follow her, this will have to do. I'm not breaking my promise if I don't actually, physically follow her around. That should be good enough.

Or I could just follow her, my word be damned. My honor means nothing to anyone anymore and if I have to spy on her I will, before she wastes away before my eyes or something even worse happens.

I've only been back in the mansion for less than two weeks and I already know that something seriously screwed up is going on here. And I mean something even more screwed up than what you can usually expect when you toss together such a pack of damaged individuals. And I know it involves Jean. I knew it from the moment I saw her. Not just because she was pale as death and looked like a deer caught in the headlights when she saw me, either. Even though I'd like to think she was thrilled to see me, there was a lot more there. Like a sudden wave of panic – and I'm good at smelling that.

Then there's the way she's pretty much out of it for much of the day. Just sitting in the kitchen and staring off into space. That is if she comes down from her room at all. I think she's making an effort not to be left alone with me, but probably that's just my ego talking. Either way, I've hardly been able to talk to her and I have no idea what I'd say if I found the chance.

Scenarios I've considered and discarded over the last week: She's terminally ill. She's going into the Danger Room at night for some reason and getting herself beaten up. She's reading everybody's thoughts and dying from the collective gloom and bitterness. She's... sneaking out and getting drunk until sunrise every night? Fuck.

And as much as I'd like to pin everything on old One-Eye, I've ruled that out as well. I probably entertained the notion for three seconds before deciding he's too much of a wimp even for that. If he knows something's amiss, he doesn't show it – but I can't be sure. Never trust anyone you can't look in the eye.

As for Charles, nothing that involves him is certain. I'm sort of ticked by how he's probably reading every thought as it enters my head and having a laugh at my expense, but I can't waste my time with that. Not if I want to get this right for once in my life.

** tbc**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter II**

In five minutes she's going to leave her room and walk down the stairs. I know because this is the same thing she did last night, and the night before. I know where to wait. I try not to think about how this is a bit too much like an ambush. Scratch that, this _is_ an ambush and I don't care.

She doesn't see me. She's looking back as she walks and runs into me with a little more force than I expected. For a moment I think she's going to scream. I suppose we'd both have some explaining to do.

"You scared me to death, Logan. Do you make it a habit to lurk around corners like that?"

She's truly startled and I almost feel guilty. But not quite.

"Where are you going, Jean?"

"Downstairs. To the kitchen. To have a glass of water."

"Is that so?"

I haven't moved since she bumped into me and I'm still standing close, clearly in breach of her personal space, my face a few inches from hers. She steps back with a pointed look.

"No. Not really. Good night." She tries to turn to face the stairs and I move to stand in her way again.

"I don't suppose you can spare a minute to tell me what the hell is going on, before you go on your merry way and continue doing whatever it is you're doing."

She doesn't answer, but she's not trying to get away anymore, either.

"Are you ill? Are you in trouble? Is there something wrong with the Professor? With the school? Is there some kind of mutant apocalypse coming? What's going on? I'm not snooping for the hell of it. I'm worried."

"I appreciate that. But I'm not dying. I'm not ill. I'm not especially bothered by anything right now."

"You say that like it's the most ridiculous thought in the world after seeing you walking around like a reanimated corpse since I got here."

"I'm not sure I know what you're talking about."

I won't lie; even though I'm getting more pissed off with every second, there's something about this that's too pathetic for me to feel anything else than sorry. She's brilliant at many things, but lying ain't one of them.

"Look, if you don't want to tell me, then don't. Just don't lie to me. Do me that favor, Jean."

After what seems like forever she takes another step back, and this time I don't stop her.

"Are you angry?"

Yes. All the time. "No".

"Logan."

"I said I'm not angry, Red. I'm worried."

"Don't be. Everything's fine."

"Yet there's something you're not telling me."

"Yes." She leans to kiss me on the cheek before walking away. "Good night."

** tbc**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter III**

I haven't even gone through the second six-pack and I can already sense that I'm not going to get as much mind-numbing relief as I was hoping. Still, today is a day in which I'm going to hide in this closed-off wing of the house and get as drunk as I can manage. I seem to be a failure at everything else but that lately.

I haven't seen Jean after our little encounter on the hallway a couple of days ago. I know she's in the mansion because I can hear her and smell her, but she's been out of my sight. At this point it's no use wondering if she's avoiding me or not.

Beer's clearly not going to work. I wonder if I should switch to something stronger. Bourbon? Heroin? Bullet to the head?

"Hey. Took me a while to find you."

She's standing at the door and I wonder how long she's been there without me noticing and what the hell is wrong with me that I would let that happen.

She takes two small steps inside. "Do you have ten minutes for me?"

I have forever. Thank these old bones of mine. "Sure."

She sits next to me on the window ledge and we both look out at the miserable weather, doing nothing else for a couple of minutes.

She starts cautiously. "It's not a secret."

"It's not a secret but it's something you have to lie about."

"I don't _have_ to lie about anything. That's my choice."

"Sure it is. Look, it's none of my business-"

She cuts me off. "I told you I was working with the professor. That he was helping me control my powers."

So that's it. I have to admit I was an idiot not to think about that as the only possible explanation, really. I wonder if Slim knows exactly what this "help" entails and how he feels about the fact that it seems to be killing her.

"How is he doing that, exactly?"

"It doesn't matter, Logan."

She's being a good little follower but I'm usually good at telling when people are about to crack.

"What is it like?" I prod.

"It's... hard. It doesn't matter. I know... you know sometimes the Professor can be..."

"Ruthless."

"Goal-oriented", she corrects. "But he cares about me."

_I_ care about you. Stop doing whatever it is you're doing down there with him.

"Sure", I manage to mumble.

She's not moving to go but I can tell she's not going to say anything else.

"I'm not going to ask you any more questions about this. You just... scream if you need me, 'kay."

She looks up for a second and smiles. "I will."

Sure.

** tbc**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter IV**

Of course it has to be on this miserable, cold day that I can't find her anywhere. Once I finish combing through the mansion I'm going to have to search for her outside in the rain and I can't imagine that it will improve my mood in any way.

In truth, she's not _missing_ missing, I just can't find her. And for some reason that makes me even angrier.

I wonder if this is the day in which this thing, whatever it is, is finally the end of her. Of everything. I've been asking myself that question quite often in the past week.

It shouldn't have taken me so long to find her, but lately it's been hard to trace her scent. She doesn't smell like a human should anymore. But she looks as human as can be, huddling in a corner of the same room where she found me the last time we spoke.

"Red. What are you doing here? It's freezing."

I take a few steps towards her, but she doesn't look at me.

"I looked everywhere for you. What are you doing?"

"Thinking."

"Are you alright?"

"I just need to focus. It's hard to focus with everyone swarming around me. I need to... concentrate."

I can't deny that I'm relieved to see her in one piece, but something about the way she's talking is just _wrong_. She doesn't look at me and she doesn't move an inch when I sit beside her on the floor.

"Jean."

Say something, damn it. Ask me to take you away from here. Ask me to kill everyone and burn this place to ashes. Anything.

"Hey. What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"I just need to focus."

She's not even listening to me.

"Jean. What's going on?

I lean closer to her and I have this stupid feeling of release, like nothing is going to happen to her now that I've found her. Which is laughable because I've been here all along and I don't seem to have made much of a difference in anything.

She shifts and turns to me.

"Show me."

"Show you what, darlin'?"

"Let me see them." She touches my hand, her fingers between mine.

"Why?"

"Please. I want to show you something."

Something tells me this isn't a good idea but I can't help it. I don't know if it's her messing with my mind or if I've truly come to the point where I can't bring mself to say no to her. I'm not sure I care. I take my hand away from hers and do what she asks.

She runs one fingertip carefully along one of the blades. Then, before I can pull away, she wraps her hand around it, pressing, letting the edge sink into her flesh. It doesn't take more than I second for me to pull back, but I can already see blood.

"Don't do that again. Ever."

I'm growling at her and I don't even care. I want to punch a hole into something because somehow I knew this was going to happen and I didn't think to stop it. She shrinks away from me, cradling her hand against her chest.

"I'm sorry."

"What the hell, Jean."

"Look."

She holds out her hand. A deep cut runs diagonally on her palm, but it's rapidly fading. The skin is closing, mending itself before my eyes. It's nothing that I haven't seen before in my own flesh, but I can't look away. I can't say that I remember the first time I saw it happen to me, but I doubt I felt this degree of morbid fascination.

I take her hand and run my fingers through the palm. The blood's still there, but the skin is unbroken - unscarred.

"How?"

"Not like you. I'm just... learning. To change things."

Her voice is not faltering anymore, but there's something in her eyes, like she's begging me to understand something and I'm failing. I can't take my eyes away from her hand.

"But how do you...?"

"It's just rearranging molecules around. It's nothing."

She puts her hand back in her lap, hiding it from me.

"Logan, this is nothing. I can do a lot more than this now. I'm learning."

She turns her head to look in my eyes. It's the first time she's done it since I returned.

"I'm changing."

** end**


End file.
